KILLER WOLF'S PROFILE

I'm messing around with the VX Ace Trial to see if it will be worth it for me to claim my prize from the raffle or use it as a prize in a later event.

Also, just wrote my first Ruby Script to change some stuff in battle. Yeayuh.

The unrequited love thing isn't worth the trouble. I spent about eight years of my life in love with one girl, despite the fact I dated a few others over that span of time. Most of my relationships were reactions to things that happened between her and I.

I made a lot of mistakes and didn't give her much to work with. That is what building someone up in your head does. It puts pressure on them if they find out, and that just gets in the way. On one hand they might think its creepy that they mean so much to you, especially if it comes out of the blue. On the other hand, they might think that they can't actually live up to whatever unrealistic image you have of them in your head.

There is a line in Offspring's "Self Esteem" that I always took the wrong way. "The more you suffer, the more it shows you really care." No. The more you suffer, the more you hurt yourself for no reason.

Back to my reactionary thing... I wanted to see her first show, but I figured her boyfriend at the time would be there and I didn't want to be awkward so I took a date. Within five minutes of arriving, she ran over and hugged me and we started talking and my date just sort of disappeared, and I didn't really care. It was a great night. Before her band played, I rescued her when a mosh pit got out of control, and we almost kissed after a weird little exchange... but like a dumbass I pulled away first because I didn't want to be that guy. The one who tries to steal some other dude's chick, though later I made a decision to attempt exactly that.

Over time she went from being a beautiful stranger I ran into frequently (and had this inexplicable crush on) to a friend. In hindsight, she was practically a dead ringer for my first girlfriend and I probably wanted to fix things by getting it right the second time - it took me time to separate them in my head - involving a brief quasi-affair with my first gf that mutated into her giving me advice about her.

I pounced as soon as she was single again, and after a couple hundred text messages back and forth a week, it fizzled out again as external life pulled us in different directions again.

I always played it wrong. I joked when I should have been serious, I took things seriously which weren't meant to be, etc. I made her too important in my head, so I over analyzed how to act around her and everything we said to each other. Self fulfilling prophet of doom and all that.

I'm just rambling now. Anyway, the point is that I hurt a few people along the way. A long time friend I briefly dated came back into my life when things tanked with her again, and as much as told me she wanted to take her place in my life. I shot her down, hard, and we barely speak anymore - though she did pick up with a guy who strongly resembled me at the time. Of all the people I hurt and all the relationships I had to repair with friends and band contacts due to stress from things between her and I, I hurt myself the most.

I put off so many opportunities to be happy, trying to hold out for something that was perfect. What I wanted didn't exist, and I would have been a lot happier if I had realized that years ago.

That said, I'm still a dumbass because I still have her on my facebook list, so I totally get where you're coming from on this.

I just realized I didn't complete my story! I misread the rules and wrote one containing just the extra challenge content and not the base stuff I was supposed to include.

Damn. I guess I'll try to cobble a new one together when I wake up tomorrow, if my schedule is merciful enough to allow it.

author=Nightowl
I donated 3 dollars. Can I have the text under my avatar now?

If so, that should totally be the text under Nightowl's avatar.